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Halloween Howler
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Need a Hobby?
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Need a Hobby? By John Sammon
A man needs a hobby.
I guess I'm not well-rounded. I seldom take a vacation (never,
come to think of it), and I don't spend a whole lot of time in
church, though I do not consider myself a pagan.
All I do is work to pay a bill, and I'm approximately forty
eight hours ahead of the rest of my bills.
Based on this, I recently came to the conclusion that much of
life is pointless.
I need a hobby.
I need a hobby, something besides the simple desire for more
sex. That brings up an interesting point. Why is it that sex, is
not considered a hobby? Maybe it's because you don't use glue,
or epoxy, like in making a model airplane.
Then again, maybe you do.
In any event, I'm trying to find myself a hobby, something at
which I can relax, and find personal enrichment.
Here are some possibilities that I have actually acted upon, or
have been actively mulling over:
Like most suburbanites, I live in fairly close proximity to
other houses. The elderly lady in the house across from me
stares at my room window a lot. We've all seen people who stare.
Maybe she's just bored. But I've come to the conclusion...she's
watching me for some reason.
There can only be one possibility.
She's watching me dress. And undress.
After a week of this, I decided to give her her money's worth.
I now do two nightly shows, and one in the morning.....at my
window. My dressing and undressing shows.
I go into a slow dance routine, and flex my huge, rugged jungle
muscles. I recently
purchased a bow tie like the kind used by
Chippendale's male dancers, and I wear an old high school jock
strap from PE.
I'm thinking of adding a strobe light to expand the act.
This is a hobby that's better than gin rummy.
And, you're making people happy.
Another potential hobby involves the clever use of empty toilet
paper rolls, you know, those little cardboard cylinders once the
toilet paper is used up. I have long been fascinated by these.
Here's a neat potential hobby.
Take two of the cylinders and unravel them. They will still
curl. You can then put them on your wrists as bracelets. These
can be worn while making love to your wife or significant other
lover.
You're portraying yourself as some kind of mythical fantasy
hero like Ben Hur, or Heracles.
He men used to wear bracelets back then. Really, no joke! Back
in the real old old days when they used to, "slay" guys.
Or, if making out in space is your thing, you can take twenty
five of these cylinders, glue them side by side, and wear them
as a kind of futuristic space belt like in Star Trek.
This gives your partner the chance to rip the belt off easily
just before she throws you on the "beam me up" machine and makes
mad, passionate love to you.
If you're fat, you might need fifty of the toilet rolls.
We can all be a little more creative these cold days while
waiting for the warmer weather, and come up with a hobby that is
not only satisfying, but gets us involved and aroused.
© Copyright 2004 by SammonSays.com
About the author:
John Sammon is the author of two books and writes a weekly humor
column you may access at Sammonsays.com.
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